all of your heart
by BrokenShutters
Summary: Beca doesn't believe in love - nothing or no one one is ever going to change that.


**Chapter One:**

Beca doesn't believe in love.

This wasn't always the case. As a child, Beca was like most other little girls who fanaticized about growing up and one day having prince charming come sweep her off her feet.

The idea of something as unrealistic as that happening didn't last long. Beca could easily blame her feeling this way on her parents' divorce and maybe that's what opened her eyes to it. But over time it has become less and less about her parent's divorce and more of a belief she lives by. To Beca, true love doesn't exist – and that's just the cold hard reality to it.

In her mind, people that believe in living happily ever after and getting their fairytale ending are just naïve. They were only setting themselves up for disappointment and failure.

It was more than just a thought – it was a statistic. Beca looked at the facts. The divorce rate in the United States alone was around 50 percent. The other half of those people were probably only still together because of the need of something stable in their life or they just hadn't found a way to screw up this feeling they call _love_ yet.

It was something that she felt very strong about and not a single person has once ever made her second guess herself.

* * *

Beca doesn't quite know how she's found herself in this predicament.

It's early August, one week before her sophomore year at Barden University begins. She declined her father's offer to finance her move to L.A. – she couldn't leave the Bellas after the previous year, especially once Aubrey appointed her captain. Plus, she made friends, actual _real_ friends. Not just people she associated with and had no personal connections to. She was actually happy with her life right now.

She also had Jesse – her _boyfriend_.

It still felt weird even saying that. He's not the first person she's dated. She had plenty of short lived relationships in high school. But this was the longest relationship she had actually ever been in.

Four months to be exact.

Jesse was _nice_ – a little too nice sometimes. But he was a good guy. He was also her best friend.

The transition from them being _just_ friends to something more happened rather quickly. If she was honest with herself, the main reason she first pursued him romantically was out of fear of losing their friendship.

Not much changed after they got together. Jesse still insisted on her watching those crappy movies of his – all while Beca would sit and pick apart the movie the entire time.

Really, the only thing different was the occasional make out sessions – which was probably less than what Jesse hoped for.

She still wasn't too keen on relationships in general, but she comfortable. It was nice having someone around. There was nothing wrong with having someone there to keep her preoccupied and little less lonely at times. It was just a casual relationship – friends who turned into something more.

Everything was fine, up until this moment.

* * *

Beca felt like they had been sitting in silence forever – when in reality it had only been a few seconds.

Beca and Jesse had just moved back into the dorms after summer break. Jesse helped Beca move her things into her room – which she reluctantly would be sharing with Kimmy Jin again. Then they moved Jesse's things into his dorm room.

After unpacking, they ordered a pizza and sprawled across the bed. Jesse put some _stupid_ action movie on his laptop and they fell into their normal routine.

Beca was in the middle of making a snarky remark about how fake one of the fight scenes in the movie looked when she felt Jesse's eyes piercing into her.

She tried ignoring it, but once she realized he hadn't stopped staring she turned and faced him letting out an awkward laugh, "What? Do I have pizza on my face or something?"

Jesse shook his head and gave her a small smile, "No, I just realized something…"

"That you never should have bought this movie?" she nudged at his side playfully.

Jesse paused for a moment before speaking "That I'm in love with you," he said way too confidently.

Beca froze. No. He couldn't be doing this. Things were going just fine. They were having fun. Why would he try and ruin it by bringing love into this? She was silent, she didn't even know how to respond to that without upsetting him – which was the last thing she wanted to do.

After a moment of silence, Jesse finally spoke up "Well? Do you have anything to say?" he let a light chuckle and it was obvious he was getting nervous.

He expected her to say it back.

She couldn't do that. Not when she didn't feel the same way.

"Jesse…" she paused for a moment trying to figure out just how she could express what she was trying to say "You're not in love with me."

Jesse scoffed "I'm not? Really Beca, you're gonna try and tell me how I feel here?"

Beca reached over and paused the movie that was playing in the background and turned to face him "Look, you may think you're in love with me but you're not, okay? We've been together for four months obviously there is some form of love there. More of a friendship type of love. It's…" she stumbled to get her words out once she saw the icy glare he was starting to send her but she continued on "It's just not _love_ love. Do you understand what I mean?"

Jesse nodded quickly before getting up from the bed. She could tell she hit a nerve.

"No I understand…" he started "I understand that you are still the same emotionally damaged girl now that you were when we first met," he stated in the coldest tone she's ever heard from him.

His words stung. She quickly tried swallowing the lump she could feel forming in her throat. She wasn't going to get upset over this.

Jesse continued on "I just don't get you Beca. You act like you're all for this relationship and I feel you finally opening up to me lately but you still won't let me all the way in. I don't know if it's me or if you're just like this with everyone."

"Well don't worry; I'll save your pride for you. It's not you it's me – _the emotionally damaged girl_ "she mocked him bitterly as she got up and started reaching for her bag she brought with her and headed towards the door.

Jesse let out a huge sigh and hurried to block the door "You know I didn't mean it to come out like that. I just don't know what you want from me" he softened the tone in his voice "Just don't lead me on. I know you don't believe that I'm in love with you, but I am. I don't need you to be in love with me now; I understand that it might be too soon. But you at least have to know if…" he was stuttering "If somewhere down the line, you think you could fall love with me. Because if for a second you think you can then we can go on like this conversation never happened - until you're ready. But if you don't see that then…" he stopped talking and stared deep into her eyes looking for an answer.

"Then what Jesse?" Beca asked with her voice cracking in the process.

"Then I can't do this anymore…" he replied sadly.

Beca cleared her throat and looked away from him "Well I guess it's over then," she fought back the tears that were swelling in her eyes and pushed past him – leaving him standing there speechless.

* * *

The next few days were really just a blur.

Beca resumed her job at the campus radio station – since Luke had graduated she officially had his job. Classes didn't start for another week so she spent most of her time picking up extra shifts at the radio station.

A few of the Bellas had started to arrive for the semester. She met up with Fat Amy and Cynthia Rose who were the first to arrive – they kept her thoughts somewhat occupied.

Beca knew eventually her and Jesse would break up. She figured when that time came it would be more of a mutual agreement between the two of them – an easy breakup that wouldn't ruin their friendship.

Of course things didn't go according to plan.

She couldn't even get Jesse to respond to any of the _seventeen _text messages she sent him, apologizing for how things happened.

Nothing she could say to him would salvage their friendship at this point.

* * *

Eventually Monday came around and classes began.

Beca actually decided to take a few more courses this semester – unlike last year where all she took was the bare minimum.

At lunch time, she and Amy had the unfortunate job of doing what Chloe and Aubrey had to do last year – running the Bella's table at the Activities Fair.

It didn't come as a surprise that a great number of people were interested in joining, considering they were last year's national champions.

The rest of the week went on rather quickly. Beca spent most of the time trying to adjust to her new class schedule.

The end of the week approached as did the Bella auditions.

She entered the auditorium to see most of the Bellas were already there. As she walked to take her seat she came to a stop as she heard a familiar voice calling her name.

_Aubrey._

She gave Beca a long spiel about what type of girls to look for and which ones to avoid. Then she went on another long rant about how ridiculous it was that she wasn't allowed to sit in on the auditions considering she was the former reigning Bellas captain.

Normally, Beca would probably take full advantage of the opportunity to mock Aubrey for even taking time out of her day to still come here and worry about these things but she honestly didn't even have the energy to do so.

Eventually, Aubrey stopped her rambling and stated that she would be waiting in the lobby for them once auditions were over.

Beca let out a long sigh then sauntered over to take her seat.

Not long after being seated, she saw Jesse walk in the auditorium followed by Benji. His eyes locked with hers and she offered him a small wave – one that was not returned.

* * *

Auditions went quite well. Sure, there were a few people who Beca couldn't help but wonder what possessed them to even consider auditioning but overall they had a lot of potential options.

As Beca exited the auditorium she tried catching up with Jesse, even calling out his name a few times. He ignored her though and walked out before she could catch up with him.

She gathered with the rest of the Bellas – along with Aubrey who insisted that she be a part of the decision – to make the final selections on which girls would become Barden Bellas.

In the end, they narrowed it down to four girls – Beca insisted on letting all the ones that were decent performers in but Aubrey wouldn't stand for that. Apparently Aubrey had snuck in a side door during auditions so she could scope out the talent. So they argued back in forth for quite some time before Beca just gave up and went with the four that were the best. She really didn't understand why Aubrey just didn't enroll back in classes because it didn't seem like she was ever going to leave.

Beca returned to her dorm, planning on taking a nap before she had to take part in this ridiculous Bellas Initiation Night, but was interrupted by Kimmy Jin and three of her friends playing some exceedingly loud video game. She really should've found another roommate for this semester.

* * *

When nighttime came, the old Bellas split up to _kidnap_ the new Bellas.

They went through the same ceremony as the previous year, only Beca cut out most of the parts that she found absurd. She just couldn't say some of those things with a serious tone.

After the quick initiation ceremony, they all headed to the bleachers – just like the year before.

Unlike the previous year, Beca went over to the keg stand and filled up a cup of beer as soon as she arrived.

She strayed back over to where a few of the Bellas were talking and stood quietly trying to chug down her beer – she really hated beer.

Her attention was caught by Jesse; standing in the distance, talking with some girl who she was sure was one of the BU Harmonics new recruits.

He was blatantly flirting with her and she would be lying if she said it didn't sting a little to know that he was moving on so quickly.

Beca looked down to notice her beer was empty. She walked back over to the keg and got a refill. After she filled her cup up, she noticed Jesse was now standing alone.

She took the opportunity and darted towards him. Once she was behind him, she tapped his shoulder lightly.

Jesse turned around and let out a huge sigh of annoyance once he saw it was her standing there "Can we not do this right now?"

"Do what? I'm not here to fight with you. I just wanted to see how you've been…" she looked up at him "I've missed you…" she said cautiously.

Jesse snickered "Well I've been doing great," he responded sarcastically "Beca, look, I've gotten all of your calls and text messages and I haven't responded for a reason. I just can't be around you right now, okay? It's too hard."

Beca threw one of her hands in the air and groaned out of frustration "But it doesn't have to be…look I shouldn't have ended things like that but I just can't give you the things you want from me."

"Oh believe me I get it Beca, I received that whole four part text message about how and why you don't believe in love. And you know what? It's all just a load of bullshit. You're just looking for an easy way out."

Beca scoffed. She never heard Jesse talk like that, "I wasn't looking for a way out. I was happy with the way things were. I just can't give you anymore that what we had."

Jesse just stared at her blankly "Then I don't want anything at all," he slurred out obviously already intoxicated "I'm going to get another drink" he said before bolting off leaving Beca standing there alone.

* * *

Beca found herself slouched down in the bleachers watching everyone interacting before her. She went to take another swig of her beer but stopped when two hands covered her eyes.

"Guess who!"

She noticed the voice instantly but decided to play along "Let me see…" she acted like she was thinking "Lilly? No wait the voice is too loud. I give up! Show your face!"

Beca heard a laugh as the hands were removed from her face "Now that's a face I would've never guessed." Beca teased "Hi Chloe"

Chloe smiled brightly towards her before hurling her body onto Beca's and engulfing her in a tight hug "It's so good to see you!"

"Yeah, it's good to see you to…"

Beca was happy to see Chloe. She hadn't seen her since the beginning of the summer. Chloe had decided to spend the summer in Virginia with her family before returning to Georgia to start her teaching job – well substitute teaching job for now. They had texted occasionally over the summer but not as much as Beca would have liked.

Once Beca noticed Chloe hadn't loosened her grip on her she let out a light laugh "Um Chloe, I do need to breath you know."

Chloe instantly moved back smiling "Sorry! I guess I got a little too excited."

Beca shrugged it off "So what brings you here tonight?"

"Aubrey dragged me here, she insisted on me meeting the new Bellas."

"You mean the ones she chose?" Beca poked.

Chloe laughed lightly "Yeah, she's just having trouble letting it all go I guess." Chloe paused and looked around "So where's Jesse, I'm surprised he's not attached to your hip right now."

Beca looked down and cleared her throat "Yeah, well we broke up."

Chloe raised her eyebrow "What? Why? I just talked to you two weeks ago and everything was fine."

"Well it's not anymore," she said in a tone much harsher than she meant "Sorry – I just don't really want to talk about it."

"Okay, sorry I said anything," Chloe responded softly. Silence took over for a minute before Chloe spoke up again "So this isn't as fun as it used to be and the beer here is stale. I've got a bottle of tequila back at my apartment, you wanna join?"

Beca hesitated for a minute. She really shouldn't get too wasted considering she had class at eight the next morning but she quickly threw her better judgment out the window and nodded "Yeah I'm in…"

* * *

In no time, they made it to Chloe's apartment – which she shared with Aubrey. Chloe insisted on Beca making herself at home while she went into the kitchen and prepared the shots of tequila for them.

Chloe returned to the living room where Beca was sitting and set the tray of shots along with a bowl of sliced limes on the coffee table in front of them.

Beca raised her eyebrow "You think you fixed enough?" she asked jokingly once she saw just how many Chloe put on the tray.

"There's more in the bottle if you want it" Chloe joked and downed a shot then passed one over to Beca.

It didn't take long for Beca to get drunk – she already had four beers at the party so after a couple of shots she was already feeling the buzz set in.

After they finished the tray of shots, Beca found herself laying on Chloe's living room floor as she watched Chloe stumble around looking for her iPod.

"Got it!" Chloe all but screamed once she found it, then went and plugged it into her speakers before lying on the floor beside Beca "I love this song, don't you just love this song?"

"It's amazing; every song is just _amazing_…" Beca replied stretching her words out "If the floor wasn't spinning right now, I'd probably get up and dance to it. That's how amazing this song is!"

Chloe giggled "I just pictured you dancing around the room!"

Beca's mouth dropped and she tried propping herself up "And what's so wrong with me dancing?"

Chloe shook her head laughing and buried her face in her hands "Nothing! You dance so good! It's just not very _Beca-ish…"_

"That's not even a word!" she yelled and swatted Chloe playfully.

Chloe pulled Beca back down on the floor beside her "I'm so glad I'm back. I missed everyone here _so _much this summer! Especially you! Oh and Aubrey. Yep both of you." she faced Beca "You know I never told you this but besides Aubrey you were always my favorite in the Bellas. Don't tell the other Bellas though cause I don't want them to think I don't love them too because I totally do!"

Beca's mouth dropped "Dude, I feel the same way! Well not about Aubrey! But you were my favorite."

"I knew it! I told you we would be fast friends!" Chloe smiled to herself then got back up "I'm tired of this song!"

Beca watched silently as Chloe went over and switched through the different song on her iPod. She laid there silently for a minute and suddenly her mood switched from happy to pissed off in an instant "I hate Jesse!" she shouted over the music.

Chloe glanced over towards her and threw her iPod down before falling back down beside Beca "Okay, spill…what did he do?"

"He hates me because I don't love him!" she looked over at Chloe who was obviously confused "I don't love anyone though – not romantically anyways. I mean I love people; I just don't fall _in love_ with people. I don't believe in it and Jesse can't accept that so now he hates me. And I don't even care anymore because now I hate him to!"

"You don't hate him, he's your friend…" she paused "But you know what I think?"

"What?"

"I think he's an idiot! If he can't accept the way that you feel then…well then he doesn't care about your feelings or understand you. So he's just not worth it, ya know?" Chloe slurred.

"He said I was emotionally damaged and he's right" Beca responded sadly "I'm so fucked up, no one would put up with me. I'm damaged goods. I don't blame him for hating me and flirting with that girl tonight."

"Stop!" Chloe took Beca's hands and pulled her up "He's an asshole and he's completely wrong! It's his loss. You're amazing, plenty of people would be happy to have you. And they would accept your feelings unlike Jesse!"

Beca shook her head "No! Someone would have to be out of their mind to actually put up with my shit. I'm surprised Jesse put up with me for as long as he did."

"You're perfect, Beca…" Chloe whispered softly "Don't let anyone make you feel like you're not, okay?"

Beca locked eyes with Chloe, she could feel her cheeks starting to blush "Stop being so nice!" she laughed. She really needed to call it quits on the alcohol for the night because if she didn't know any better she would swear that Chloe's face was getting closer and closer to her own.

The alcohol was just clouding her thoughts.

This wasn't actually happening.

Then it did happen.

Chloe's lips were on Beca's and she found herself returning the kiss.

* * *

**Not really sure on how long I plan on making this story. I guess it just depends on of anyone actually reads it. **


End file.
